My first TOP entry of the new Era.

How many things in your life never get done because you forgot or got distracted by other things; how many things will trail you into your grave attached to "I was gonna..."?
I was gonna give some back history about The Oddball Papers (hereinafter TOP), about how I used to do a print version, etc. Maybe later.

The whole point in this one is to write what I feel and, to some extent, why. Most people do not understand at all that the "money can't buy happiness" mantra is complete bullshit. A couple of days ago, Melinda's mom's new feller moved in with her. They brought over his old dryer cuz he didn't need it any more and because the one here seemed to be good only for a small storage cabinet. Plugged it in and... nothing. So there's some problem between the breaker box out on the pole and the dryer outlet. I was gonna go under the trailer and track down the wire.

Only way to do that was wade into a maggot-filled pool of shit-water. Took part of the underskirting off to get a better way in. Impossible to get anywhere near where the wire from the dryer plug comes down through the floor because there's only 5 to 10 inches of clearance under the floor for several feet before you get to that end of the trailer. I have no clue how the last person to work on that managed it. I've always hated with a passion trying to "make do" with a half-assed job. I'd rather just do without. I'm a good electrician. But it takes a lot of money to get the proper tools and equipment to do a job. I'll eventually run a whole new circuit from the pole breaker box to the outlet, but I'll have to buy enough of the correct guage wire, possibly a new breaker, possibly a new outlet. Even then, I'll have to "make do" because I can't get the rest of the stuff that is needed to do a good job - just one that will suffice.

Yesterday I couldn't get the mouse on here to work - it's been chewed by puppies. Small thing; trivial really. But I rely a LOT on being able to be online to maintain my mental equilibrium. Sure, just run down to Walmart and get another mouse. Um... there's that money thing. Don't have any. Next month I will get one. Fortunately Melinda managed to wiggle it enough to get it to work for a while.

We had to pay about $135 for a new lawn mower. The old one died and the grass here is shoulder high in some places. That finally worked and finally got some gas. But when that mouse wouldn't work and being unable to do anything about it, that feeling of utter impotence - it sometimes tends to bring old things - old mental demons that usually are not much of a problem because I can keep them corralled in a corner of my mental attic. But when the impotence comes, yes literal and figurative and psychological and sexual, which is most often brought on by severe money deficiency, those old demons get out, and there is no fighting because there is neither ammunition nor able soldier. The only partly sane option is complete retreat. So I made very sure all phone ringers are turned off... I have to come to passionately hate the sound of a ringing phone - even on TV. Made sure dogs had food and water, turned TV volume on high, closed door, and buried myself as deeply as possible into the bed and my Richard Dawkins book, until blessed oblivion finally rescued me for a while.

I will feel much better when my money comes again. Even though it's a tiny amount, it's better than none, and along with the other things it will buy - another month's satelite TV, rent, car insurance, the lawn mower... it will also bring enough piece of mind to last (barring unexpected problems) almost till December.

I finally got past "I was gonna..." on this blog. That helps a little. To coin a phrase... I'll be back.